Monday, January 6, 2014

Hi, My Name is...

Hi remember me, the gung ho gal that was so excited about her journey?

It most certainly has been awhile since you've heard from me. I could blame a few things for my absence; but the truth is I’m fat again.  I've been avoiding talking about it because it makes me mad, sad and basically feel defeated. Even my fat pants barely button anymore AND I have the box sitting in my garage. 

Please don’t tell me that I’m not the only one that has the box.

It’s been months since I’ve stepped foot into a gym or did any type of exercise at all. Working out used to be something I would constantly think about. Yea, not so much now. And don’t get me started about what my eating (and drinking) habits have transitioned into. Trust me, I am one big ‘ole hot mess!

I think my gung ho-ness (yes, I just made that up) went down the tubes because I was so strict and almost consumed with thoughts of exercising as well as what I was going to eat down to the last crumb. Once I hit a weight I was comfortable with, I loosened up and eventually went ape shit with eating and drinking things that I had not allowed myself in almost a year. Going to the gym became less and less of a priority.

I suppose I have come full circle. Just as I did when I was at my lowest weight, I hardly recognize myself in the mirror anymore. The person I see is NOT the person I expect to see.

When I shared these same sentiments to an old pal of mine, she quietly listened to my rant/confession and then asked me “So, have you given up?”. I thought about it for a few seconds and honestly answered “No”. I haven’t given up nor stopped believing that I can find a happy medium for myself and begin my journey again.

Ready. Set. Goooooo!