I Must Confess...

I started this blog to capture my feelings, successes and failure with my weight loss journey - NOT necessarily to share them with others.  Sharing my 'story' has always been secondary.  So in keeping with my personal objective I have some confessions I need to get off my chest.  I have listed them out NOT to garner any sympathy (for lack of a better word) or attention - but as my outlet to express my thoughts and feelings. 

 * I am back to being a coffee drinker.  I'm up to about 2-3 cups in the morning - complete with loads of sugar and creamer.

 * I have enjoyed a soda pop several times in the last few months - it was heavenly.

 * I haven't been consistent in the gym for about 4 months.

 * I have gained back 10 lbs of the 47 that I had worked so hard to lose.

 * I have had cake, brownies, cookies, candy and pretty much anything sweet that has come my way....knowing full well that if I took 1 single bite I would fall head over heels in love with sweets again.

 * My pants now fit tight and even a few jeans are just too snug to wear anymore.

 * That old familiar feeling of regardless of what clothes I wear, I still feel and look like a fat cow is back with a vengeance.

 * I have been avoiding some social settings, because I am no longer proud of the way I look.

 * I have had a brand new (tags still on them) pair of pants hanging in my closet for about a month now, that I can not fit into - but I refuse to return them.

 * I have signed up for a 10 week wellness challenge sponsored through work and have done minimal to participate and I am a team captain. 

 * I haven't updated my weight in my Lose It! app in a looooong time - I just CAN'T type that number in. .

 * I.     HAVE.     LOST.     MY.     FOCUS.

Three Hundred and Sixty Five Days Ago

It’s unbelievable to think it was 365 days ago (give or take few weeks) when the spark in my brain ignited and I decided to give healthy living a shot.  I have evolved so much over the last 365 days; physically, mentally and emotionally.  I truly feel like a different person.  Along my journey, I have documented my physical changes and promised myself that if I could make it to the 365 mark that I would share them on my blog.  So, here goes nothin’…. 

April 2011
I remember thinking how adorable and FIT my buds looked this night and I basically hated my appearance.

June 29, 2011 - At my heaviest

August 6, 2011 - 7 lbs down

August 30, 2011 - 12 lbs down

September 23, 2011 - 18.5 lbs down

October 11, 2011 - 21 lbs down

December 25, 2011 - 34.5 lbs

January 7, 2012  - 31 lbs down

January 27, 2012 - 37 lbs down

February 4, 2012 - 38.5 lbs down

February 4, 2012 - 38.5 lbs down.
Those shorts were in my closet for at least 3 years; just waiting for me to get my act together.  Once I got enough courage to try them on, I discovered that they were actually baggy.

March 26, 2012 - 43 lbs down

July 3, 2012 - 41.5 lbs down
This is THE only photo I have in a swimsuit;  let alone a bikini! 

Keeping it Real

You can see by the last few pictures that my weight has started to fluctuate.  Unfortunately I did not get a photo of me at my lowest and leanest - 47 lbs down, right around the beginning of August.  I had been laid off and was working out like mad (sometimes even twice a day) to keep my mind off of the worries that go along with being unemployed.

I started working again in mid-September and with that came some travel and longer hours than I was used to.  With that being said, of those 47 lbs I had lost 7 lbs have ended finding me again.  It makes me sad and down right pissed off that I have clothes in my closet now that are just too tight and uncomfortable to fit into.  

It's a struggle for me every single day to focus on my big goal of losing 50 lbs and keeping it off.  I do have confidence that I will get there and stay there but it might take a bit longer than I initially intended but it will happen!

I hope this blog post provides you that little bit of motivation to get you through the holidays - I know just putting together this post has renewed my motivation.  THANK YOU ALL for hangin' with me on this journey of mine; it really means a ton!

Hey Suga!

Not too long ago I went on a strike....a sugar strike.  I had acquired a little bit of a pooch when I lost my mojo and to make matters worse I wasn’t working out as much as I had been, so I knew I had to "belly up" (hardy har har!) and make some adjustments. 

I thought long and hard about my eating habits and even started logging what I was eating into my trusty Lose It! app, again.  After a few weeks, I came to the conclusion that all my numbers were pretty good and the only trend I could really see was there was a little too much sugar going down the 'ole hatch.  Noooo I am not talking about sneaking a piece of cake, some candy or a can of soda pop.  Most of the sugar was coming from what I ate at breakfast; which was typically fruit...but...but...but fruit is healthy, right!?!  Yep, but with everything moderation is key!  The fruit that I was eating for breakfast was usually pears, pineapples, apples or peaches.  Those delicious, refreshing fruit that I was SO enjoying every morning were loaded with natural sugars....well, crap!

Sooooo, I decided to do a little experiment and started switching out my typical breakfasts of fruit for mostly vegetables.  By drastically decreasing the sugar I was eating and, at the same time, increasing my veggies my hope was my pooch would gradually goes down.

I flipped through all my fitness magazines, recipe books and lots and lots of websites looking for any and all veggie dishes I could find - surprisingly, I found tons of options. The first week or two was a little strange eating things like cucumber slices, cauliflower salad or even steamed broccoli for breakfast but after the weirdness wore off - it was no big deal at all.  I ate like that for 6 solid weeks and noticed a difference after only about 2 weeks.

The overall results were pretty incredible.  I haven't seen my tummy that tight and flat since I was in high school....that's right, I said flippin' HIGH SCHOOL.  Holla!! 

Disclaimer:  right around my 6th week, I was laid off and my lack of routine threw me a curve ball.  I realize I am making an excuse - but hey, sh*t happens!  My tummy is still smaller than it was before the sugar strike, but not as small as it was during it.  I 'm planning on going on strike again, real soon.  It had such a dramatic result for me, my ending verdict is a 100% thumbs up!

 

You didn't really think that I would do all this talk about my tummy slimming down without posting a picture of the results, did you? 

It's no abs of steel, but I'll take it :-)

I hope this post leaves you happy, healthy and shouting HOLLA! 

Operation Reboot

Several months ago I confessed that I had lost the ever important mojo in my journey to become a better me.  I pondered this dilemma for a while and ultimately came up with three key points to get me back on track.

Be Flexible – I’m not talking about touching your toes or doing backbends.   I’m talking about adjusting to situations instead of using them as an excuse.  This summer, I found myself using my daughter’s softball practices and games as a reason to forgo healthy eating.  Once I realized that I was using this situation as nothing more than a convenient excuse I began packing healthy options in my lunch bag and taking it with me to the games.  I packed enough items not only for myself but for the whole family.  And typically everything was gone by the time we made it home.  The old me would have totally went hog wild with the hot dogs, candy bars, chips and soda readily available at all the games. 

Rewind & Remember – When you’re on journey like I am, I think it’s easy to forget where you started because you’re always focused on going forward.  I found it necessary to stop thinking about the next 5 or 10 pounds to lose, but instead remember - find those old hideous overweight pictures of yourself, try on those now huge jeans that are several sizes too big for you.  Remember how you used to feel about exercising and eating right and how much you have learned since you began your journey.  I found it VERY rewarding and uplifting to stop beating myself up about what I was or was not doing ‘right’ and focus awhile on what I have accomplished.  

Below is a picture that my mom took of me and my family dying Easter eggs in 2011.  I never knew she took the picture and she gave it to me, along with a stack of other pictures, almost a year later – right in the middle of me losing my mojo.  Not knowing this little gem was hiding among the stack, I took them home and started flipping through them and this one stopped me dead in my tracks…I felt sick, tears filled my eyes and then I showed the hubby the picture.  It left us both speechless; he gave me a hug and simply said “I’m so proud of you!”.  At that moment it hit me how critical it is for me to concentrate on the positives and not the negatives in my journey. 

This was approx 45 pounds ago

 This picture now sits in my jewelry box, right next to where I put my wedding ring at night – so I see it every morning…and some days it still brings tears to my eyes. 

Affirm – I learned about affirmations from my previous employer.  The organization used to ‘highly encourage’ you to attend a personal development class which had a lot of emphasis on affirmations.  For those of you that are not sure what affirmation are all about, here is what Dictionary.com says about it:

• The assertion that something exists or is true.
• A statement or proposition that is declared to be true.
• Confirmation or ratification of the truth or validity of a prior judgment, decision, etc

I think I was on Pinterest or Instagram when something popped up and reminded me of the concept of affirmations.  I thought about it for a while.  I wondered if I could make it work for me and my then-lost mojo.  I decided “What the hell” and decided to give it a shot.  I came up with about 5 statements that I wrote down and began saying to myself while looking in the mirror, it then evolved and I started saying them to myself during my long commute from work to the gym and sometimes even during my workouts (I’m sure those around me thought I was a nuts, lol).  I discovered in a very short time, IT WAS WORKING - just hearing the encouraging words coming from my very own mouth would be the perfect medicine to help cure my lack of mojo.  

Here are some of my affirmations:

• I am a work in progress; which means I will get there a little at a time, not all at once.
• I have it within me.  Right now, to get where I want to be!
• I am in charge of my future
• I am a force to be reckoned with! (personal favorite)
• It does not matter how slow I go.
• I CAN do this!
• I am a role model for my family

Go ahead, try it - what's it gonna hurt??

These are my three main concepts that I used to get my mojo back, but there are several mini ones that I used too.  No worries, I'll be sharing those soon.  In the meantime, I hope everyone has their mojo and rocks it hard!

Later Gators!

Nose in the Corner

I've been a bad blogger lately.  I have at least six posts half written and then I get pulled in another direction.  I am still on my journey and still making progress; I have hit some more mini goals and can't wait to share them with everyone.....but 'real life' has slapped me in the back of my head.

Last week I was informed that I no longer had a job.  I was assured that the decision had nothing to do with my performance and everything to do with an ongoing merger taking place.  I was shocked, pissed, hurt, sad  and confused.  I allowed myself a few solid hours of crying and feeling sorry for myself and then realized I'm a big girl, dusted myself off and I decided to turn this negative into a positive.  I get to spend more time with my family, more time with the kids before school starts back up and maybe, just maybe, a little more time on me.  Just like Bob Marley sings, "Everything's Gonna Be Alright"; which is seriously one of the best songs ever!!

If Bob doesn't bring a little smile to your face check out the video my sweet daughter created last night.  I swear she is going to be a director or something when she grows up - she is ALWAYS doing something with a video camera.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dAjvbMR87EU

Hope ya'll have an absolutely fab week-end! 

Short and Sweet

I have been working HARD on getting my mojo back.  Being the type A personality that I am, I have a whole plan of attack that I have put together - I've been referring to it as Operation Reboot (totally dorky, I know). 

And while I'm not quite ready to share all the details on Operation Reboot just yet, I do want to share the underlying theme throughout.  Don't.  Look.  Back.

Hope your remaining week and upcoming week-end bring you joy, success and a whole lotta mojo!

My Dirty Little Secret

Well, it happened....my mojo, my umph, my determination; whatever you want to call it is lacking BIG TIME.  About 4 weeks ago, I hit a point that I decided my body deserved a short break from the constant working out.  I consulted with my trainer and he agreed that it would be fine and sometimes your body does just need a break.  So I took a full week off of everything - working out and eating right.  I also decided not to weigh myself; I wanted a complete and total break.

It was so nice not to have to mess with packing my workout bag every morning and racing home after my workouts to squeeze in all the domestic goddess stuff that had to be done and spend quality time with the kids and the hubby before it was time to go to sleep and start the whole cycle over again.  Oh yes, it sure was nice....

On my first day 'back', I decided to try out Living Kell's* piyo class.  I have never done piyo, yoga or pilates so this class was a whoooole new experience.  It was good - some things I was able to do pretty easily; while other things were a challenge.  I left the one hour class sweaty, with a raised heart rate and a lot of respect for those that are frequent flyers of the mind/body type classes.  Although, I don't think I could do a piyo class every week I do think, for me, it will be a good class to attend to change things up and prevent boredom every now and again.

By about my 3rd day back on my journey, I decided to weigh myself - holy crap, I had gained 4 pounds!  OH MY GOSH, it took me forever to lose those 4 pounds - UGH!!!  I couldn't believe that I had allowed myself to gain back 4 freaking pounds. I tried to get back on track and attend my typical classes but it seemed like something "kept coming up" where it would prevent me from being able to attend....and honestly, I was fine with that.  I was still experiencing burn out; I didn't want to hear those same darn songs in my Zumba class and the thought of attending the BodyPump class made me throw my head back and groan outloud (no, seriously it did).  I kept telling myself, "This is not good, not good at all"!  I racked my brain to think of how the heck I was going to get my mojo back.

Let's time travel 3 weeks forward to today and I am STILL struggling, but now things are even more complicated...my daughter is playing softball and between the games and practice there are a lot of times I cannot attend my classes and I cannot eat properly no matter how much prep I do in the morning or evening.  I try, oh how I try, but sometimes it just doesn't happen :-(

Of those 4 pounds I regained I have lost most of it again but I can really see the lack of consistent workouts on my body.  This makes me oh so very sad and depressed and makes me feel fat and pudgy.  So there you have it, my dirty little secret - I've lost my mojo.  But I am trying to get it back and hope to continue down my happy little journey that I was once on.

*For those of you that don't know Kelly of Living Kell you really need to check her out - she has a great attitude, gives out fab advice and is seriously one of the sweetest gals I know.  Be sure to check her out; you can find her here and here.